Merging Gold

Merging gold love is an essential quality which is important for erasing boundaries to being, allowing resting as being.  It is related to the personal essence, of course, because the personal essence does not have psychological boundaries. It also helps the soul tolerate the aloneness that can accompany this process.
 
We experience this quality as babies when we are in the symbiotic phase (2 months to 10 months approximately) when our needs are met, properly nourished, held, etc.  At this point, we do not have a sense of separate self, but we are just starting to recognize the first “object”, mom and me (mommy-me) or other caretakers.
 
The ego cannot experience this quality due, in part, to the structured boundaries of the ego. It gradually creates through memory traces, a sense of the “good mother”. This approximates some of the capacities of merging gold. This eventually coalesces as an object and is internalized. It is considered one of the benchmarks of a healthy ego that it has internalized this–which brings with it the ability for self-care and ego independence. Object relations theorists consider this necessary for “object constancy” a benchmark of a stable, healthy ego.
 
The ego tends to see that this merging love (like all qualities) is outside itself. So, complications around this quality can be seen in ordinary life.  One example would be thinking that you can only feel this kind of love with just the right person, or some person. Another example would be seeking mind altering substances and addictions.  Another would be dysregulation of physical/emotional life, not eating properly, not enough sleep etcetera.
 
Longing for this connection is one of the doorways to the experience.  When we feel the need for this and stay with it, it can open to the quality.  One of the barriers to this is not being willing to feel your neediness.
 
As the issues around this quality clarify, it can come closer and it can also reveal a feeling of aloneness.  Not being willing to feel this aloneness can be a barrier, or feeling fear of aloneness.
 
The quality can be felt as a delicate sweet nectar in the heart, or elsewhere. It accompanies a feeling of contentment and fulfillment. It has a melting feeling like melted butter tending to erase boundaries.

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